What’s happening:
Writer Anna Krycer grapples with the seemingly innocuous inquiry “How are you?” that’s often tossed around casually, despite the heavy backdrop of trauma and turmoil that many individuals, particularly Israelis post-October 7, can carry with them every day.
Why it matters:
This question casts light on a cultural conversation about politeness, genuine curiosity, and authenticity. In a world that has seen such significant tragedy, like the one Israel experienced on October 7, Krycer challenges the automatic nature of this common greeting. She underscores the tension between sharing personal trials openly and adhering to social norms that favor brief and positive interactions. The depth to which we choose to engage and divulge personal feelings when asked about our condition reflects cultural dynamics, deeply held societal values, and our coping mechanism during times of distress.
The cultural context:
Krycer references a seesaw of social expectations that favor showcasing positivity rather than raw emotion – a balance brought out in Sheryl Sandberg’s “Option B”. This notion peaks in certain cultures valuing declarations of feeling “Awesome,” over simply “Good,” pushing negative sentiments aside. Yet juxtaposed to this are scenarios of severe personal or communal hardships, often changing the weight one might feel to reply honestly. With the quick pace of social media and crunched attention spans, Krycer ponders whether protracted honesty finds a place in today’s hurried dialogues.
Personal insight:
Through an exploration of her struggles in responding to the question post-October 7 debacle – a date looming with weighty significance touched slightly but not explicitly – and recalling times such as a distressing press conference by families of hostages, Krycer delves into the procession from automated reactions to heartfelt exchanges.
Between the lines:
The bottom line reflects whether society, while prizing brief exchanges, can carve out space for sincerity without defaulting to brevity. It invites us to consider the artfulness of human engagement — can we nurture connections that allow more profound sharing without demanding or expecting it as social currency?
A balanced approach:
Anna suggests adapting our inquiries to show more awareness – swapping “How are you?” with “How are you today?” She recommends various ways out of the burden of this question, such as directly offering support instead of making a challenging inquiry or skipping it altogether for smoother navigation of social settings. This reshaping of dialogue is a small but powerful acknowledgment of complexity in life and relationships, particularly pronounced among Israeli communities.
Social dynamics:
Even while the echoes of calamity call for introspection, the conversation rebalance shouldn’t negate small talk’s warmer realms, nor should it manipulate genuine concern into unintended intrusiveness. Responses vary – some include conversations on Twitter, reflections to peers, or digressions into tactical distraction using humor or catch-up – revealing a look into the myriad reactions socially orchestrated gestures evoke when entangled with pervasive grief.
About the author:
Anna Krycer is an experienced writer, former Melbourne-based litigation lawyer, who relocated to Jerusalem with her family. Her writings provide personal solace on subjects that stir emotional and insightful contemplations of everyday life against once-in-a-lifetime challenges.
This story was first published on jpost.com.